


The Wotsit

by colepaldigirl



Category: Doctor Who RPF, Real Person Fiction
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, IKEA
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-22
Updated: 2016-07-23
Packaged: 2018-07-26 01:12:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7554406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/colepaldigirl/pseuds/colepaldigirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Peter gets dragged to IKEA one evening after filming, because Jenna needs a 'wotsit for the kitchen.' She can't find the kitchen gadget but she does discover something else in soft furnishings.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is Real Person Fiction. Please see my bio for my usual warnings. If its not your thing, that's OK I won't take offence if you don't read it!
> 
> To regular readers : hope this is less angsty. No idea where it will go, may end up being quite short!
> 
> For Dreameater1988 on tumblr who suggested IKEA ;-)

‘I can’t believe you’ve dragged me here,’ Peter moaned, hands stuffed in coat pockets, shoulders hunched against the cold. He scuffed at the late winter snow with his boots as he waited. Costume boots still, she’d given him no time to change after the last take, oh no, just get in the car Peter, we’re going to IKEA. He still had the coat on too.

Jenna swung her driver’s door shut with a bang and grinned. ‘Oh come on don’t be grumpy. Late night shopping! And you’ve just moved house so it’s perfect!’

‘How is it perfect?’ he said crunching his way over to her and joining her on a direct path to the sliding doors to hell. ‘Its nine o’clock on a freezing Thursday night in February, we’ve been on set since seven am, and you decide to go shopping for a wotsit? Not have dinner, not have an early night, not even run through the script for tomorrow. A _wotsit_!’ His hands had emerged from his pockets as he got more animated. Jenna laughed at his gesticulation.

‘It’s not a wotsit, it’s a…a …’

Peter looked at her with raised eyebrows, ‘A…?’

‘A thingy… for the kitchen…’ Jenna said confidently. Peter rolled his eyes and stepped forward as the door went ‘swoosh.’

‘At least it’s warm in here,’ he muttered.

‘What’s got into you? It’s just shopping…’

‘I’m a man… I _hate_ shopping. Elaine does shopping; I tell her whatever it is, is very nice.’

She snorted. ‘Oh come on, you might find something you need, you know for the new house,’ Jenna suggested.

Peter had been forced to leave his home of twenty-five years due to an abundance of fans in the school opposite chapping on his door at all hours. Now he lived two streets down from Jenna which was perfect with regards to their friendship, and their joint venture on the show. She could pop round any time for a cup of sugar or a rehearsal. He was secretly delighted. Elaine had shaken her head in despair when he excitedly told her, even more chance to immerse himself in _Doctor Who,_ now his little buddy lived close by.

‘I threw out two skip worth’s of junk when we moved, I do not need more _stuff_ ,’ he said.

‘Not even cosy throws and drapes and pretty lampshades….’ Jenna stopped at his expression and smirked. ‘Okay, maybe not. Girl stuff.’

They came to a halt in the huge warehouse like store and looked about them at aisles and displays. Jenna’s eyes went wide then, and the lights sparkled in them. Peter could hear her take an awestruck breath. This was going to be brutal, a full on female shopping experience.

‘Ooo…’ she exhaled, ‘Just look at it all, all the things, shiny things for the house,’ she began walking forward indiscriminately, something which rang a warning bell in Peter’s head. She had to be stopped.

‘Er… Jenna, kitchenware is this way, don’t wander off in here you’ll never get out and we’ll be stuck here all night.’

Jenna turned to look at him, ‘Not a bad place to get stuck!’

‘Jenna. Focus. Get your wotsit and let’s get out.’

She pouted. ‘You are absolutely no fun,’ she said and stalked off towards the kitchen department. Peter followed and found her looking at omelette makers and non stick omelette flippers for the bases of frying pans. She was concentrating as hard as he ever saw her do, the little frownline on her brow deepening. It was actually rather sweet.

‘What’s with the sudden burst of domesticity?’ he asked. Jenna opened the lid of a portable donut maker and looked inside.

‘Too small, I prefer a larger donut,’ she muttered, ‘I don’t know, I just…. My house has always been very stylish you know, but I’d like it to be a bit more … like yours I suppose.’

He laughed. ‘What? A tip?’

Jenna gawped. ‘Don’t let Elaine hear you say that!’

‘She knows it’s a tip,’ he laughed, ‘We’re both too busy doing more interesting things and then Cissy comes back now and then and tries to clean the place.’

‘So that’s why you had a family! Slave labour. Anyway no, not like yours in that respect. Your house is homely, warm, I want mine to be more like that.’

There was something just a tiny bit sad in her voice and Peter felt a bit guilty. It was obvious what she was doing when he thought of it, she’d split from her boyfriend and now she was rebuilding, starting with making her home, _hers._ She wanted to be somewhere that felt welcoming.

He stepped up beside her to where Jenna had turned back to the display of gadgets that made things in one go. Omelettes, toasties, donuts, fairy cakes… none of it seemed to be what she was looking for.

‘Do I want a poached egg maker?’ she asked Peter.

‘A poached egg maker will not make your house more homely,’ he replied glancing sideways at her.

‘Damn,’ she looked around the rest of kitchenware wistfully and then appeared to gain inspiration. ‘I’ve had an idea,’ she said turning to look up at him with excitement, ‘Sod the wotsit, come with me.’

Jenna grabbed his hand and the pair of them scuttled through the displays and shelves looking very like they did on the telly when they ran away from daleks. The whole image of the Doctor and Clara Oswald running for their lives through IKEA was enough to make Peter, already exhausted and slightly hysterical, crack up entirely.

‘W-What are you doing?’ he laughed and her grip on his hand grew tighter.

‘Well we have to hurry!’ she said, ‘It’ll shut soon and I need some cushions.’

‘Cushions? We’re racing to the rescue of cushions?’ he asked.

‘Yes! They need rescuing and putting in my living room,’ she suddenly ground to a halt at the bottom of some see through stairs. Peter slammed into her and had to steady himself by grabbing her arms. Jenna giggled and placed her hands on his chest. ‘Cushions,’ she said as though it explained everything, ‘Soft furnishings. They always make me feel better… and…’ she glanced up the stairs, at the signs directing customers to sections, ‘Bedding! Lovely new clean matching bedding.’

Her hand reached for his again and she dragged him up the stairs.

‘Jenna have you gone insane at last?’ he scrabbled up the steps behind her. She was a nippy little thing when she got going and his knee was hurting. ‘Slow down, woman, the cushion isn’t going anywhere.’

‘Someone might buy them all!’

‘There’s no one here but us!’

Down an aisle full of candles and around the corner, the pair stumbled into a fairly clear, light area full of bedroom furniture and pretend rooms.

‘Oh look!’ Jenna said pointing, ‘Look at that lovely purple duvet, and the blue one, oh that’s gorgeous.’ She scurried over, and picked up a scatter cushion to examine it. Peter tried to catch his breath by perching on the edge of one of the beds. He rubbed his knee.

Jenna looked over and her face just fell. ‘Oh my God I didn’t think.’

‘What?’

‘Your leg!’

‘Its fine honestly, just a niggle, the cold doesn’t help.’

Jenna came closer looking as guilty as could be. She clutched the purple cushion to her chest. ‘Oh Peter I’m really sorry. You just.. you just sit there for a minute, rest.’

‘You make me sound ancient.’

‘No, no just… injured. And I’m making you dash around IKEA.’

‘Yes that was cruel of you,’ he admitted with a small smirk. He casually walked his fingers over the covers towards the pillows of the display bed. ‘Dragging me around shops late at night when I’m tired…’

‘Oh…’ Jenna said, ‘Well you didn’t have to come, you could just have said…’

Peter grasped the end of one pillow and kept his eyes averted from Jenna, ‘Yes, well… I don’t like to let you down…’

Jenna’s jaw dropped, ‘You never… Oww!’

Peter swung around with the pillow and aimed a good blow across her back. Jenna tried to duck ad then came up glaring. ‘My cushion is harder than your pillow,’ she said and belted him across the chest.

‘Oomph!’ he declared, ‘yes but I’ve got a longer reach,’ he challenged and the pillow swung back again making her squeal with laughter.

‘Peter!’ she squeaked.

‘Jenna!’

She hopped onto the bed, ‘height advantage!’ she announced.

‘Oh no that’s cheating!’ he reached up and grabbed the waistline of her skirt, got a grip on her hip, and before he knew it they had toppled backwards, landing with a dull thud on the bed, Peter on top of his co-star. For a moment they looked at one another.

‘Ok this is awkward,’ Jenna said quietly.

‘Um…’

‘Shhh,’ she told him. ‘Do you think the staff heard us?’

‘I think most of Wales heard us with you squealing away!’

‘I do not squeal!’

‘Yes you do.’

‘No I… eeeee!’ she squirmed and squeaked as Peter’s hands grabbed for her belly, pushing up under her jumper and letting his long fingers tickle her sides. She wriggled again and pushed up to try and pin his arms but resulted only in having him tighten his embrace around her. Now their faces were really close. Jenna stopped squirming.

‘Hi,’ she said.

Peter smiled, ‘Hi… do you want me to…’ he cocked his head in a ‘get of you’ gesture and Jenna replied with a shake, ‘no.’ Something in her already affectionate eyes softened even more than usual and then he realised what it was, the depth of her dark pupils expanding as she pressed herself against him. He’d thought of this, this closeness, imagined scenarios where he might hold her this way. He’d never quite imagined it would be on a bed, let alone a bed in IKEA. He snorted and bent his head.

‘What?’ she asked.

‘Look at us,’ he explained, ‘What if someone comes up here? How dodgy do we seem?’

Jenna giggled. ‘We could just say we were overwhelmed with passion when we saw their duvet sets. They could make it a selling point. As demonstrated by Doctor Who.’

Peter laughed at the image and then drew a sharp breath. Jenna had moved under him and wrapped one leg over his hip and thigh. He felt her hands on his back, one gradually moving lower before hesitating at his lumbar spine. He looked at her curiously.

‘Shouldn’t we…?’

‘Let’s just lie here a minute,’ Jenna said watching his face and she adjusted her hips. He felt oddly floaty, probably the fatigue, and there was a strong sense of unreality as he looked at her. It was like he was living a waking dream and it was a recurring one at that. Jenna was with him, the scent of her perfume and the feel of her body against him. He closed his eyes a moment and drank in the sensation and then to his surprise she began to run her fingers through his hair gently.

He let out a little mewl and she chuckled, ‘That nice?’ she asked.

‘Mmmm,’ he conceded. Her fingers moved deeper, now against his scalp, now both hands, pushing through his curls and feeling at the nape of his neck. It felt amazing but now he was in trouble, laying as he was on top of her, half entangled, her hands relaxing him. He was getting a little too relaxed and if he didn’t move soon she would feel it and think heaven knows what. Peter grit his teeth and prepared to shove himself back and off of her. Always the way, always hiding his feelings from her, almost from the first day they met; this was no different.

Jenna clamped her hands to his shoulders, ‘Um where do you think you’re going?’ she asked.

‘I… um… we should really go,’ he stammered, ‘You know, they’ll be shutting.’

Jenna raised her eyebrows at him, ‘Right…’ she said unconvinced. ‘We should go.’ She wriggled against him and he hissed, ‘Nothing to do with _that_.’

Peter blushed hard and looked away.

She hesitated and then seemed to swallow her nerves. ‘Unless you mean we should go… somewhere…. _Together,_ ’ she said in a tone that was coquettish but lacked true confidence.

Peter looked back at her and tried to judge her face. Now _she_ was blushing. She was holding her expression like the true pro actor she was but underneath her so called nonchalance he could see her hopeful doubts. She was actually terrified that she’d just made a huge mistake, that she should never have suggested they elope.

And he suddenly wanted to go with her, anywhere she wanted.

‘Jenna,’ he started and he felt her hold her breath. ‘My apartment is a tip; can we make it yours?’

Her eyes went wide for a moment. ‘Yes… yes,’ she said urgently as they both struggled to get up. ‘She turned and looked at him as he buttoned his coat and straightened his hair, and the pause in proceedings was just enough to let her doubts creep out.

‘Peter?’

‘Hmm?’

‘You’re sure?’ she asked in a small voice.

He looked up at her, all big brown eyes and delicate features. That silly little nose he adored so much, and Peter felt the decision set like concrete in his mind. He was absolutely not going back on it, not in a million years, so he held out his hand and felt her take it.

‘Jenna,’ he said softly. ‘I’m sure.’


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh dear... is it closing time? Jenna and Peter are stuck. (its all very silly, no offense intended)

Jenna’s smile absolutely enchanted him at that moment, holding his hand in the make believe perfect bedroom with the bespoke fitted wardrobe. She looked at him in complete adoration, dimples adding the finishing touch to her already perfect features.

‘We’re really going to do this?’ she said conspiratorially.

‘We are,’ he confirmed, his voice sounding miles away. Jenna spluttered out a giggle and clamped her free hand over her mouth. She stared at him with big eyes.

‘I can’t believe it,’ she said after a moment during which he grinned back, ‘Have we both gone mad? Peter I’ve wanted to do this since, since…’ she shrugged, ‘Forever?’

‘Me too, but then its more understandable that way round. You’re wonderful Jenna, who wouldn’t want you?’

‘Shut up,’ she laughed. ‘Ok, forget this, I don’t need the wotsit… let’s go.’

‘The bedding?’ he teased, ‘Need that?’

‘Nope, got everything I need right….’

There was a bang and darkness fell over them. Peter froze then stiffly looked about him, at the huge lights above with their dying filaments and then at the faint glow from the front of the building where some windows overlooked the carpark and a few items were on display.

He nibbled his thumb. ‘Um, Jenna…?’

‘Are we locked in?’ she immediately replied in a pitch of panic, ‘Hello?!’ she let go of his hand and ran to the stairs. ‘Hello? We’re still here, hello?’

‘Jenna!’ Peter ran after her afraid he’d lose her to the dark building. He found her at the bottom of the stairs looking frantically around the warehouse.

‘There’s no-one here,’ she said, ‘They can’t have seen us come in, they’ve gone for the night!’

‘What? They can’t have…’ he squinted into the darkness but sure enough the place seemed deserted.

‘Great!’ Jenna threw her hands up, ‘Brilliant! Why didn’t I just agree to dinner? Why did I have to drag us here?’

‘Why indeed, we’re going to be starving by morning,’ Peter moped. Jenna looked at him quickly.

‘Morning? We are not going to be here until morning. I’ll phone someone. The police!’

She began to rummage through her pockets, making increasingly frustrated noises as she did so.

‘Um where’s your bag?’ Peter asked.

‘Car,’ she said curtly and then lifted her head. ‘Oh for God’s sake I left my phone in it! Right where’s yours?’

‘I… I’m still in costume, you dragged me straight here!’

‘That never stops you usually, having it in your pocket, creating a lump in your trousers.’

‘I took it out?’ he shrugged and she shot him an angry glare.

‘Office! There will be a phone in the office,’ Jenna took off into the dark again and Peter’s heart leapt.

‘Jenna wait!’ he trotted down a corridor after her but lost her quickly, ‘Jenna?’ He heard a bang and turned to the sound, increasingly disorientated in the dark. ‘Jenna!’ he walked into something and banged his bad knee.

‘Ah! Shit!’ he bent over and grasped his leg. ‘Jenna!’

He had a rising sense of panic which he couldn’t quite quell. He knew exactly where it came from and he was afraid to tell her. He just needed her back with him as soon as possible before the panic got really out of control. He had a fleeting memory of Buchanan Street and the big department store that was now long gone. He remembered searching through the different sections, increasingly confused, wondering if he would ever see his mother again. Eventually he was rescued by an elderly lady who took pity on the wee man of no more than five with the tears running down his chubby cheeks.

‘Jenna! Jenna! Where are you?’ he hopped forward a pace or two.

‘Ok, _chill_ ,’ she appeared in front of him. ‘Office is locked. What have you done to yourself?’

‘Banged it, banged my knee…’

‘Oh?’

He tried hard to keep his voice level but she knew him too well. ‘Look can we just go and sit somewhere?’ he asked, ‘Maybe back up near soft furnishings, it’s not as dark there.’

Jenna raised her eyebrows but didn’t push, ‘OK, want a hand?’ Peter gratefully wrapped one arm round her shoulder as they hobbled back to the furniture. They chose a designer bedroom set with a couch at the end of the bed and lots of flatpack drawers in pine around it.

Peter lowered himself carefully onto the bed, cursing under his breath. He’d really done something to it, the muscles in his thigh were cramping in protest as his ligaments complained. He rubbed it absently while Jenna paced.

‘We can’t be stuck,’ she said. ‘That just doesn’t happen.’

‘I think we can be. No phones, no-one here, and the shop is right on the outskirts of the industrial estate. We. Are. Stuck,’ he squirmed and pressed deeper into his thigh and then tried the knee itself. Peter yelped.

‘Shit,’ Jenna said echoing his earlier outburst. She wandered over and sat next to him thoughtfully. After a moment she pursed her lips, ‘Of course there are advantages,’ she looked sideways at him and winked.

‘Shut up, I’m in agony. Whatever plans we had are off.’

‘Grumpy old man,’ she moaned.

‘Jenna, this isn’t exactly doing it for me.’

‘Well how else do you suggest we pass the time?’ she folded her arms.

‘Game of eye-spy, as in eye-spy a way out?’ he shrugged off his wool coat and then went for the hoodie. ‘Is it me or is it hot in here?’

‘Yeah, it’s warm,’ Jenna said, ‘Wonder why, makes no sense to have the heating pumped up?’

‘It’s like they’ve done it deliberately to torment me,’ Peter complained. He watched as Jenna removed her coat, rolled up the sleeves of her blouse. He passed one hand over his forehead, the strange light headed exhausted feeling returning. He felt a bit sick from hunger. Jenna caught the movement of his arm.

‘Sorry,’ she said, ‘You’re knackered, why don’t you sit back… lie back?’

Peter shoved himself backward and lay down amongst the clean white covers. The pillows were surprisingly soft.

‘What about you?’ he asked.

‘I’m pondering shopping, or designing my ideal living room. I could collect all I need overnight and present it at the checkout tomorrow? I could even do some flatpack for fun! You got your sonic screwdriver?’

Peter rolled his eyes.

‘Ha ha very original. Lie down. Sleep,’ he instructed. Jenna grinned and he heard her kick off her shoes and crawl over the sheets. The mattress dipped and moved as she threw her tiny weight around and Peter grimaced.

‘Oops, sorry,’ Jenna sat up, ‘Shall I take a look at it?’

‘What?’

‘Your knee?’

Peter scowled at her, ‘Are you a Doctor now?’

‘Alright just trying to help,’ Jenna sat looking out over the dark warehouse and started making bored pouty noises with her lips.

Peter flung one arm over his eyes and tried to ignore her. Generally he was as easy going as it comes, and he loved Jenna to pieces and had never in memory been angry with her. But, here was the but. The evenings events had worn him right out physically and emotionally.

He didn’t want to come here in the first place, and then he thought he’d somehow magically seduced Jenna and things had looked up. He’d been nigh on celibate for months if not longer and he just about popped with joy when she’d said yes. Except now he’d half broken his knee, was stuck here all night in agony and hadn’t had any dinner. He couldn’t quite believe he was thinking it but he was actually too tired and grumpy to seduce Jenna now even if she was still up for it. He’d be rubbish after all that and put her off.

He ground his teeth as his leg throbbed. He caught a glimpse of Jenna’s hair flicking as she turned and looked at the leg.

‘Come on, show me,’ she decided, spinning so she was facing him.

‘No.’

‘Why not?’

‘It won’t do any good.’

‘I could rub it?’ she said. He raised his arm and looked at her. ‘Rub…’

‘Your _leg._ Though you know I did offer…’

Peter sniggered.

‘What are you… fourteen?’ she admonished, prodding his stomach with one finger.

‘Ow!’ Peter curled slightly in defence then flopped back down. Jenna was checking his trousers.

‘These are so tight, they’ll have to come down I can’t roll them up.’

‘What?’ he squeaked.

‘The trousers.’

‘They are skinny fit,’ Peter said knowledgeably, ‘and I am _not_ dropping my trousers.’

‘Peter,’ she whined, ‘If we weren’t stuck here we’d be at home by now… probably having sex for the first time. You’d have to take them off _there…_ So why won’t you take them off here?’

He blushed. ‘I just feel a bit exposed. You know… _in the middle of_ _IKEA,_ ’ he glared in emphasis and locked eyes with her. After a beat both of them dissolves into fits of laughter.

‘This is ridiculous,’ he chuckled and then held his knee again as the movement hurt him. ‘Ah… ah…’

Jenna pointed, ‘Off with them!’

‘Trade you.’

‘What!?’

Peter smiled, ‘I’ll take these off if you…’ he considered, pressing his lips together, ‘if you take off the blouse.’

‘Oh it’s like that is it?’ she rose up on her knees on the bed, causing Peter to lean back and eventually topple into the pillows.

‘Yes it is!’ he said unconvincingly.

Jenna carefully positioned herself over him without hurting his knee and leaned down for the belt buckle of his trousers. Peter looked down at her hands as the clasp flicked open.

‘Oh,’ he said thoughtfully, ‘I appear to be at your mercy a bit.’ He felt a tingle of anticipation and wriggled just a little under her. He suddenly felt better.

‘Yeah, that’s right,’ she said huskily, the belt was undone and she moved to his button and zipper before pushing both hands inside the material. ‘Let’s get these off,’ she grinned and he lifted himself up while she wrestled with them. There was a pause then, ‘God almighty!’

Peter started to giggle uncontrollably as she pulled and yanked at the tight trousers. ‘Jesus Christ, Peter I’m trying to be a seductive and dominant woman here and these are just… oh for fucks sake the boots need to come off as well, I forgot all about them!’

‘Language!’ he warned and she scowled at him.

‘Shut up, _Malcolm,_ ’ she said. His giggling rose in pitch and he rolled forward so that he could sit on the edge and untie his laces. Jenna flung herself back on the bed and waited, her fingers tapping the duvet.

‘This is _not_ how I pictured it,’ Jenna said.

‘You pictured it, huh?’ Peter dropped one boot with a thunk.

‘Maybe…’

He looked over his shoulder at her and she looked back coyly.

‘When?’ he asked and dropped the second boot.

‘On cold days between takes,’ she offered.

Peter laughed and bent to remove the trousers, standing again as he disposed of them. He watched Jenna’s gaze tracked up his leg to his by now bruised and swollen knee, hesitated, and then by some unseen force was compelled to look higher.

‘What did you picture?’ he asked idly.

‘Oh. My. God,’ Jenna replied with a sort of breathless admiration, ‘Not that, I really didn’t expect _that_.’


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let there be light... Peter and Jenna settle in for the night. Super silly shenanigans in IKEA.

‘What?!’ Peter’s voice went up an octave and that did it for Jenna. She shrieked with laughter, at once covering her mouth and pointing to what she had discovered. Peter looked down at his pants and blushed hard, she could see his face and ears go red even in the gloom of the furniture department. She had to admit she felt a tiny bit guilty for cackling at his underwear but at the same time it was very funny.

‘They were a gift,’ Peter said quietly defensive.

‘Are they bigger on the inside?’

‘Shut up,’

‘Hmm ‘assistance available’ eh? Will I need assistance? ‘Shall I ‘pull to open?’’ she mimed the action and Peter shifted a bit folding his arms and glaring off to one side. He looked ridiculous taking a strop in his TARDIS underpants, his legs bare, and she continued to giggle.

‘It could be worse,’ she said controlling herself a little, ‘Could be question marks…remember that time I walked in on you in the question mark pants?’

Peter shot her a glance, but she sensed he was thawing a little. She saw his lip quirk and then he continued to glare in the opposite direction but he was playing now. She was on safe ground to have fun.

‘You’re not actually offended are you?’ she said and he snuffled holding in his chuckle. Jenna edged forward on the bed until she was close to where he was standing and at a good height for her next moves. She put her hands on his hips and he looked down, ‘because it wasn’t just the underwear I was marvelling at.’

‘Oh?’ he asked feigning disinterest but clearly waiting for a compliment. Jenna slipped her hands down a little and it was around then she had to admit to herself, viewing things so close up, that he was remarkably er… endowed. Her hands slid over his upper thighs and back up again, avoiding other things for obvious reasons. She could feel the heat coming off him and he cleared his throat awkwardly.

Jenna pressed her lips together to wet them and considered. She glanced up at Peter who took that moment to look down and raised one eyebrow.

‘Aren’t you supposed to be examining my knee?’ he asked. ‘It’s further down,’ he hinted.

‘Oh… yes!’

‘Without your blouse on,’ he added and she nearly choked laughing.

‘Right… yes quite right,’ Jenna carefully undid the buttons and wished there was more light to be had in Bedroom Furnishings. She wanted to wipe the smirk off his face a little, excite and arouse him, she couldn’t do that easily in the dark. Jenna stopped unbuttoning and looked around her.

Peter made an impatient noise.

‘Shh,’ she said. ‘Looking for something.

He sighed. ‘What now?’

‘A light.’

‘They’re all off unless you’re talking about taking up smoking.’

‘There must be a switch,’ she said.

‘Probably in the office?’ he suggested, ‘The _locked_ office.’

Jenna stood up, blouse flapping a little but not enough for Peter, and scampered over to the stairs.

‘Oi!’ she heard from behind her. ‘We were… we don’t need a light Jenna!’ His increasing frustration just egged her on and, finding it hilarious, she made her way down to the customer service desk below. It was a long journey and she acquired many bruises tripping over items of furniture and other things but there had to be some sort of switchbox there. Trouble was it hard to see in the half light from the windows and it took her ages to get there but eventually the fire exit sign pointed her the right way.

Ideally she needed a torch or better still her phone. It had a light on it. It was also a phone which she could use to phone people. Like the cops to get them out of here. Then again… this could be fun. It was like a real life adventure with the Doctor.

‘Jenna!’ she heard him at a distance, probably still upstairs. ‘Jenna where have you gone?’

‘Customer services,’ she said. Except the Doctor was currently being quite whiney.

‘Well, come back….’ His voice sounded strained.

‘I won’t be long,’ she said looking under the counter without any luck. She straightened up and prodded the computer mouse. The screen lit up and asked for a password. She couldn’t use the device itself but…. She prodded computer number two’s keyboard. Another source of light. Jenna grinned.

‘I’m so clever,’ she said, ‘Guess who’s clever?!’ she called. There was silence, ‘Peter!?’ she waited casting her eyes around her for anything useful. Picked up the phone which seemed only to do internal calls, pouted. Spotted something else and grinned.

‘Ooo sweets!’ she said reaching for some little packets of sweets on the counter, left there for if you donated a pound to a charity. She opened one and popped it in her mouth, a hard boiled strawberry flavour. ‘Peter there’s sweets! Loads of them, come down!’

‘Jenna will you please just come back up here!’ he called and she frowned. His voice sounded… wobbly.

‘Peter are you ok?’ she called around her sweet, her words muffled and obscured a little.

‘Please…?’ he said sadly and went quiet.

Jenna look at the wall behind the desk with the light of the computers and found a switchbox. She expected it to be locked but the key dangled from it. She opened it and tried to read the labels by each switch, presumably for each bit of the store.

‘Bedrooms,’ she muttered, ‘Peter can you let me know if the lights go on?!’ she called.

There was a pause before he answered. ‘Yes,’ he said briefly. ‘Hurry up.’

Jenna flicked through the top row, on, off, on, off. She saw various bits of the downstairs level light up and shut it down again. It was late and she did want to get some sleep at some point without neon strength lights glaring from downstairs. She started the next row.

‘Ok should be one of these!’ she called.

On. Off. On Off...On.

‘There!’ he called suddenly. ‘The lower lights have come on, the bedside ones…’

‘Brilliant!’ Jenna congratulated herself.

‘Are you… are you coming back now?’ Peter asked.

‘Yes… _chill,’_ she said.

‘Stop telling me to chill!’ he snapped. Jenna stopped filling her pockets with sweets and looked up vaguely at the floor above.

‘Peter?’

A pause. ‘Sorry,’ he said, ‘Just… can you come back now. _Please?_ ’

‘Oooo thermostat!’ she turned the heating down a little, but kept it hot enough for Peter to remain out of his half dozen layers of clothing. She was the business tonight.

‘Jenna!’

Jenna flicked a switch and illuminated customer services and part of the carpeted area leading back towards the stairs. It gave her a path to follow and lit up the downstairs just enough for her to have a look about and see what else was around. She vaguely remembered IKEAs having drinks machines, wait was that a vending machine?

‘Peter have you got any change?!’

‘What? What are you doing down there?’

‘Just asking!’ she said defensively, rummaging through her pockets and finding a couple of pounds.

‘I’m in my bloody costume,’ he growled, ‘And no trousers! Now for the last time Jenna, get back here!’

She ignored him and got the vending machine to spit out a couple of cokes. Light, sweets and cola, he’d better be grateful and stop being so grumpy. She juggled her stash of goodies and went up the stairs, sucking the last of her sweet and then crunching it happily. For _Night At The IKEA_ , things were turning out to be quite fun. She turned into the bed section and froze.

‘Peter?’ she asked.

He looked up at her from his position on the floor. He had squeezed himself between a set of drawers and a bedside cabinet, his back against the four foot fake ‘wall.’ If that wasn’t weird enough he was wrapped in the duvet, draped over his head, making it like a kind of den.

‘Um… what are you doing?’ she said approaching like he was some sort of unpredictable beast and putting the coke down on the drawers.

‘Cold.’

She put her hands on her hips,’ You were moaning about the heat.’

‘Oh, so I was,’ he looked down at the duvet and then timidly back up at her. A penny dropped in her head.

‘Are you…?’ she laughed, ‘You’re not scared of the dark?!’

‘No I am not!’ he said, ‘At least… not the dark… per se.’ He looked away uncomfortably.

‘The dark in IKEA is a special kind of dark,’ she mocked.

Peter looked at her sharply, ‘Stop it.’

Jenna stopped. ‘Sorry…It is a bit odd though Peter.’

He sighed and pulled the duvet down. He was sitting cross legged in his T-shirt and boxers looking overly hot and embarrassed.

‘When I was five I got lost in a department store for an hour,’ he said, ‘A huge place in Glasgow. I couldn’t find my mum.’

Bless him he looked about five at that moment and she felt bad for teasing him. He was such a sensitive man and she loved that about him. He could draw on things like that fear he had felt as a child for every performance and add something incredible and real. Right now though he was just a bit rattled and ashamed. Jenna slid down the wall next to him and looked at his face.

‘So you don’t like being trapped in dark shops at night?’ she asked.

Peter glanced at her and accepted a can of coke, ‘Well strangely enough it’s never been an issue before tonight. I’ve only just recognised it as a phobia. You learn something every day even at my age.’

Jenna laughed.

‘Please. Don’t mock me,’ he groaned.

‘I’m not,’ she reassured putting her free hand on his leg. She slowly rubbed his thigh. ‘Still sore?’ she asked.

‘Yes,’ he said a little mournfully and she giggled. Peter’s smile reappeared suddenly and he put his arm round her and snuggled close.

‘Sorry I panicked. Bit pathetic.’ He nosed her hair.

‘And here was I thinking it was because you were concerned about me wandering around alone down here.’

‘Ah…’ he looked at her guiltily. ‘Well there’s no one here I knew you’d be fine.’

Jenna rolled her eyes and continued to rub his thigh. She placed her drink on the drawers and shifted so she could massage with both hands. Peter wriggled slightly and she smiled at him as he looked up shyly.

‘Um… Jenna…’ he said quietly.

‘Do you want me to stop?’ she asked seriously, ‘I know being here is a bit surreal and I don’t know what got into us earlier when we decided to do this. You might have changed your mind? I mean I haven’t but….’

‘I haven’t either,’ he said. ‘I just… um… I’m out of practice and…’ he looked up and away from her stare. ‘ Jenna I’ve wanted this for as long as I can remember when it comes to you… but I’m going to embarrass myself.’

Jenna laughed, ‘Oh shut up, if that’s the case so will I probably,’ she moved her hands closer to his boxers and let them walk up over the material and over him. She heard him suck a breath through his teeth and felt a twitch under her fingers. It made her smile so hard she thought her face would split into two.

‘Hello,’ she said.

Peter closed his eyes and seemed to be focusing on his breathing, as if it might control the rising need he felt elsewhere, and Jenna could vouch for it. She’d rarely seen a man get that hard, that fast, his silly TARDIS boxers growing tight. She thought of more puns, things to do with bigger on the inside, but thought he might actually kill her so instead she ran her hand over the solid shape between his legs and watched him squirm. He let out a little noise of desperation and she felt her whole body flush. Wow. That was… impressive.

That was it, she wanted him, right now.

Jenna hooked her fingers under his waistband and suddenly his hands held her wrists. He opened his eyes, now dark and aroused and looked at her.

‘Peter?’

‘You’ve forgotten something,’ he said.

Jenna looked down over him, unable to see what it might be and slightly frustrated. ‘What?’ she asked.

Peter sighed, ‘Blouse?’ he nodded towards her, ‘That was the deal.’

‘Oh!’ Jenna began again to undo the buttons rapidly when his hands covered hers and gently began to free her from her clothing, palms sweeping over her skin, fingers toying with the edge of her bra. It was her turn, his eyes implied, and he was going to go slow. Jenna’s stomach flipped with a mixture of anticipation and impatience and she saw him read it in her expression. He grinned a little wolfishly.

‘Why don’t we move to the bed?’ he asked.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter of this rather ridiculous mini-story and things aren't any more sensible.  
> They are significantly sexier though.

‘Yes!’ Jenna scrambled to her feet, removing the unbuttoned blouse from her shoulders as she did so. She undid the fastenings for her skirt and shoved it down her legs with her tights. Peter stood with the aid of the fake wall and ran his eyes down her body.

‘You’re in a hurry,’ he observed.

‘Stop acting all cool and come here,’ she ordered moving backwards onto the bed. Peter grinned again and chuckled to himself, standing in his t-shirt and boxers and playing with the hems. Should he? Shouldn’t he? His expression asked.

‘Just take it off!’ Jenna instructed. ‘take it off and come here.’

He appeared to consider a moment longer and then he cracked with a goofy smile, ‘Oh all right if you insist,’ he said pulling the shirt over his head. Jenna actually licked her lips and then blushed at the idea she’d done so, was she that lascivious? She looked over his pale skin and his lean arms and the little pot of a belly she teased him for and suddenly she’d never seen anything so sexy in her life. She dragged her eyes back to his face and found that he was blushing as hard as her.

‘I know you’re probably used to something a bit beefier…’ he said looking slightly awkward.

‘Shut up,’ Jenna gestured him over and he crossed the few steps to the bed. She kneeled on it again, placed her hands on his chest and began to feel and touch to her hearts content. Her mind was reeling with elation, she had him all to herself, at last. The circumstances might be odd but at least they guaranteed they couldn’t be interrupted and he couldn’t escape.

‘Oh, Peter,’ she murmured between caresses. She kissed his breastbone, inhaled the smell of him and let her tongue taste the salt in his sweat. Jenna heard him grunt softly and moved her fingers to his nipples just as she felt him begin his assault on her bra again. It pinged open, removed in a second, and his hands were immediately on her.

In the back of her mind a thought struck her and Jenna giggled to herself. Peter, sensitive, thoughtful, polite and gentlemanly Peter, was just like any other overexcited man in this department. His hands were on her breasts, massaging, stroking and then down at her backside holding her too him, the press of his erection almost painfully hard between them. She raised her head from his chest and he was on her, kissing deeply, hungrily, their lips growing wet and swollen.

Jenna panted against his mouth as he continued his assault and the next thing she knew, by some unknown manoeuvre, he had somehow managed to tip her safely back onto the bed, flat, and crawled over her. He stopped level with her breasts and kissed between them, down the line of her stomach, and placed his hands on her hips. She gasped knowing what came next and he quickly removed her knickers, making a moaning sound of absolute delight as he did so. Jenna laughed when he placed his lips against her hipbone and smiled, so in response he flicked out his tongue and let it guide him down towards her sex.

She couldn’t keep in the needy squirming sound she generated when he lapped at her and she heard him snuffle with laughter. He paused a moment later and worked his way back up her body, leaning over her with the most devilish of smiles.

‘You look so smug,’ she said, trying to ignore the burning between her legs and the twinges that demanded attention.

‘Maybe just a little,’ he confessed and carefully adjusted himself so that he pressed against her but didn’t squash her with his full weight. At that point she could feel him hard through his boxers, pushing at just the right spot. She reached up and kissed him, impatient and unwilling to wait any longer.

‘Two… can play… at this…’ she said between her kisses and reached down to the edge of his boxers to slip her hands under the material and grasp his buttocks. They were surprisingly strong and neat for a skinny old stick insect and she massaged them briefly before squeezing him closer to her. Peter broke the kiss and shut his eyes, an unbidden noise of need escaping him. Jenna grinned and grabbing the material pulled and pushed the underwear away, Peter reaching down to help her when it was too far out of her reach.

At last she had him naked, laying on top of her and ready. God he was ready; Jenna sneaked a peek down between their bodies to where he was straining and hard. She pushed her fingers through his hair again and kissed him, parted her legs and encouraged him to her by wrapping them over his body.

‘Peter,’ she trailed her kisses to his ear and heard him moan, ‘Please,’ Jenna reached down and found him, curled her fingers around his shaft and pumped twice. He practically growled into her ear as he held back, but she ignored the half hearted protest and held him in place.

Jenna looked up into his face and watched his eyes open, dark and driven by lust but at the same time filled with something much more gentle. With her free hand she traced his cheek and let him suck on her thumb, his tongue circling the digit before drawing back and transferring his kiss to her lips. She wanted this so much that it barely felt real when he finally entered her.

Peter groaned as he pushed forward and braced himself for a moment. She could feel him fighting with himself to hang on, not to move, to let her adjust and take her pleasure before he succumbed to his, but all she could think of was moving her hips and so her body took over and took both of them with it. They moved quickly and forcefully and she was dimly aware of the creak and bang of the bed under them, smacking into the fake wall. She was thankful there was no one for miles, that the whole building was deserted, because alongside the sound of the furniture she couldn’t keep herself quiet.

Peter seemed the same and it thrilled her. Shy, gentle Peter, supporting himself over her body with the help of the bedhead, growling desperately, eyes shut, panting with exertion as he drove his hips forward. She could feel both of them escalating, rapidly unable to hold on; she pulled herself up and around him, more friction more contact and the change of angle seemed to drive them both over the edge as she felt herself give way in time to hear his growl turn to a shout above her.

Peter collapsed breathlessly on top of her and Jenna lay staring up at the ceiling of the warehouse, gathering her strength and wiping a sheen of sweat from her forehead.

‘Dear God,’ she muttered, ‘Jesus…’

Peter made a satisfied moan from the crook of her neck. She could feel him softening inside her and let him slip away as he nuzzled her skin.

‘What was that?’ she asked still breathless. ‘You are… wow…. I’ve never felt anything like that…. I don’t know if it’s your technique or how I feel about you or…..’

‘Shhh,’ came the reply, ‘I’m fantastic. It’s simple.’

Jenna laughed at him and wrapped her arms around his body, letting her hands smooth his back, sticky from exertion in the hot warehouse. She shifted her gaze and looked about her, the fake bedroom lit by the lamps on the empty bedside tables. The fake wardrobe that didn’t contain any clothes and she suddenly felt a little odd. She squeezed Peter tighter to her and buried her head against him. He seemed to detect something was wrong.

‘Hey?’ he sat up a bit, flushed, sweaty, hair a mess and absolutely adorable. ‘What is it?’

‘Nothing. Well something but you’ll think I’ve gone bonkers,’ she laughed a little sadly. Peter heaved himself over onto one elbow and looked at her, moving the wet strands of hair from her face with one finger.

‘You’ve always been bonkers,’ he said.

Jenna rolled her eyes. ‘Yes well….’

‘So what is it?’

Jenna looked back up and the ceiling. ‘I just… I looked at this, you know the bed and the décor and the soft furnishings and for a second it was like being in a real room….’

‘Yeah…’ he squinted at her.

‘I just wondered what a real room… you know would look like if it… if it was ours,’ she trailed off quietly and bit her lip, immediately regretting the implication. Peter looked at her carefully and she felt her stomach fall. ‘It was just a thought, just a silly uncalled for thought, I didn’t mean anything by it I promise.’

He looked at her a moment longer and then glanced round the designer ‘bedroom.’

‘Pine isn’t my thing,’ he said, ‘I’d probably go for the darker oak over the wall there,’ he nodded into the next fake room. Jenna sighed in relief. ‘It’s not possible,’ he said softy, ‘You know that, don’t you Jenna?’

She nodded against him, reality kicking in with a size twelve boot. ‘This pretend bedroom is as close as we’re going to get to a home, just like our characters are as close as we’re going to get to a loving relationship.’

‘But not as close as we’ll get to love,’ he assured, kissing her forehead, ‘That part is very real.’

Jenna managed a smile. ‘I know,’ she said and leaned up to kiss his lips. She squeezed him again, ‘I’m grateful for what I can get sometimes.’

‘Me too…’

They fell silent for a while and Jenna wondered if he was sleeping but then he started stroking her arm. They’d had those sort of conversations before, difficult, complicated conversations that had ended with both of them feeling guilty. There was no point pursuing them, life was what it was. Peter was married and Jenna was younger and ambitious. It could never, ever be.

Except in snatched moments like this. In strange circumstances like locked branches of IKEA closing too early. She chuckled and shook her head against him. Maybe it would happen again? In Sainsbury or maybe Homebase.

‘What is it?’ he asked.

‘Just laughing at how…’ something caught her eye across from the bed.

‘What?’ Peter persisted.

‘Did you see that?’ Jenna sat up slightly. ‘A little red light….’

‘Alarm?’

‘Well we’ve been all over and it’s not gone off,’ she said, ‘But it is up in the corner, it looks like… oh god… Peter…’

‘Hmm?’

‘It’s a camera.’

‘What?!’

‘It’s a bloody CCTV camera. All this is on film!’

He sat up rapidly beside her, eyes wide. ‘On film? There’s a film of us doing… that?’ he had visibly paled.

‘Crap!’ Jenna launched herself from the bed and grabbed her clothes. ‘We have to get rid of it.’

‘What? How?’

‘Delete it! It’ll be recording onto a computer somewhere in here. Videos don’t exist anymore.’

Peter sighed and rubbed his face, ‘The computer in the _locked_ office by any chance?’

Jenna turned and looked at him. ‘Brilliant. Just brilliant. Well it’s what…? Just after midnight and I figure the staff will be in around six cleaning and so on so we have six hours to do this. Break in, or you know… find a key… destroy the evidence and make it look like nothing’s happened.’

He looked up at her in disbelief. ‘Jenna, this could be serious, if we’re found out…’

‘I know!’ she said seriously, ‘That’s why we have to do this. We have to get that footage and then…’ she thought for a moment, ‘Hide when the cleaners get in and escape before opening time!’

Peter raised is eyebrows and she grinned at him excitedly.

‘Have you gone nuts?’ he asked.

‘You already said I was bonkers!’

‘I’ve upgraded you to nuts… Jenna where are you going now?’

‘Office! Well come on!’ she called as she vanished towards the stairs. ‘The Doctor and Clara Oswald on another adventure! First of many I hope!’

She heard him laugh behind her and knew he’d been thinking the same.


End file.
